To The Mom That's Struggling the Most: It Gets Better

Dear struggling moms,

You’re probably at your wits end with trying to get the kids to eat veggies, trying to get your child to nap, trying to be the best mom to be, but neglecting yourself, trying to overachieve, but often feel like you’re failing, trying to breastfeed, but not getting enough milk, or trying to balance so much.

I get it.

I’m a new mom and don’t work full-time and feel like I have no time for anything.

But, you know what I did? I put on my big girl pants and decided to stop feeling sorry for myself.

Last week a friend gave me the tough love I truly needed. Know what she said?

Instead of getting frustrated, find ways to work around it. If you can’t get any work done during the day, DON’T. Prioritize spending time with your daughter. This phase only lasts for so long anyway. Dedicate an hour to work before she wakes up and after she goes to sleep. Not ideal but if it’s important to you, you can do it. I’m not saying it’s not frustrating, I just think sitting in that frustration is only going to make it worse.

And, you know what? She’s right! To the mama feeling sorry for yourself, please remember that this is all temporary. Your baby WILL EVENTUALLY fall asleep on their own. Your child will EVENTUALLY eat veggies. Your child will STILL THRIVE and GROW even though you’re supplementing or giving her just formula. Whatever decision you make, just know your child will STILL LOVE YOU no matter what.

Just showing them love and affection is EXACTLY what they need. They need a mom who will listen to them when they’re having a bad day,. They need a mom who will spend time with them. They need a mom who will love them unconditionally. They need a mom who is the best version of herself.

This is your reminder that you’re a GODDAMN WARRIOR. If no one has told you recently, you are a wonderful mother and your strength is INSPIRING.

So, on the days you forget and need a reminder, I’m here for you. I’m here to listen as you vent about your damn kids, husband, and family.

If you need me, I’ll be giving my daughter plenty of hugs and kisses.

How To Lower Your Expectations When Having A Newborn

Every day, I have a list of stuff that needs to get done.

Marketing for my business. Creating blog posts + Instagram content . Laundry. Cleaning. Running errands. And, the list goes on.

But, most days, I can get only 1 thing done.

When we first brought my daughter home, I seriously thought it was going to be a breeze. I figured I would be able to FINALLY work on my business items while she slept.

Now looking back, I had no idea and how could I? I’ve never had a child before, so how would I know?

In the early days, my husband worked a lot and I cared for my daughter basically the whole day until he stepped in and could take her while I showered. I couldn’t make dinner, do laundry, clean, create blogs, nothing and I’d cry because nothing was done! My husband had to come home after a long day and make dinner, clean and do all the stuff I wasn’t able to and I felt lazy. I felt guilty because he was working AND picking up after me.

Add that to the fact that I was still recovering, so I could only do bare minimum anyway.

So, after 2 months, I have FINALLY learned that I cannot set my expectations so high because I often feel guilty when I don’t get to do the things I need to. I’ve learned that if I can get just 1 thing done, I’ll feel accomplished. If I can do more than that, that’s even better! But, feeling satisfied with 1 task is something that I had to learn.

It’s all about taking baby steps. And, since we don’t have family here, it’s even harder. But, I’m proud of myself! I’m proud that we finally found a routine. I know it will always change because with a newborn, nothing is ever consistent. So, if you have a newborn and nothing is getting done, be patient, be kind to yourself and your baby. Your baby is learning just like you are and not stressing about what you could have done is the best thing I can recommend!

Why I Chose to Quit My Full-time Job to Be A Stay at Home Mom

I’m lucky.

I’m lucky because I have the option to be a stay at home mom. I mean, I still have my holistic health coaching business and will be working a part-time job (so would that not make me a stay at home mom then?). I’m choosing not to work full-time because daycare is too expensive. Trust me, I looked and I just didn’t feel comfortable handing her off at just 6 weeks old and going back to work.

And, I know there are those of you who have NO CHOICE and I respect you for that wholeheartedly! But, my husband and I made the decision together.

First off, I don’t feel comfortable with them giving her whatever they have in their pantry, using products that contain toxins and being told what to believe. Now, before you jump all over me and get offended, please know these are MY opinions and they aren’t meant to offend anyone. I just prefer what I prefer and that’s it! I’m stating this in the hopes that it won’t hurt anyone’s feelings.

While a daycare would allow exposure to other kids, the world and illnesses, at the same time, my child might be more opt to caught a cold more times than I’d like, whatever I earn at my job would be going to the daycare and I’d miss her way too much (which I know isn’t really a good reason, but it’s how I feel). I also feel like I’d miss milestones due to working an 8-4 job, so I might regret putting her in daycare.

Bottom line, here’s what I think: if you are financially stable and don’t have to put your child in daycare than don’t do it!

Is it hard staying home at day with her? Absolutely.

Are there some days I literally don’t get anything done? Yes, but that was something I accepted when I decided to become a stay at home mom.

People think stay at home moms just sit around all day and watch TV and don’t do anything. WRONG! With a newborn, you are caring for them most of the day, so your time is limited to do anything else.

Some moms prefer to work and get away from their children or simply have no choice due to financial reasons and that’s fine! Everyone is different and this is the path my husband and I chose to take. Honestly, financially, it would have cost more to put her in daycare than to stay home with her.

Is it just as hard as working a job? Yes! Plus, when you’re a mom, there are NO days off. You can’t just “call in sick,” you have to deal with it and sit take care of your little one. And, that’s fine! I love spending time with her. I love getting to know her personality and what she likes and doesn’t like.

I feel as if I’m happier now than I was working full-time. I was miserable sitting at a desk all day. I longed for the days where I’d send time with my daughter and we’d do activities together and now that it’s here, I’m so happy!

Talking About My Expectations As A Mother

As soon as I got pregnant, I knew I wanted to raise our child organically! I wanted her to start her first few months out with just breastmilk. I was skeptical about nursing her directly from my boob, so I figured I could just pump and I’d be good to go! Boy were my expectations HIGH!

There’s no way I’m not going to be able to breastfeed because of the size of my boobs, I kept telling my husband over and over again.

But, then, she was born with a lip and tongue tie and my dreams of just breastfeeding were SHATTERED. Not only did I have to resort to formula, I used Similiac, which to me has so many questionable ingredients in it. But, I knew I needed to feed my baby.

In the hospital. everytime she would latch, it was PAINFUL. I mean, she left white dots on my nipples, but I just dealt with the pain because I thought maybe it’s supposed to feel this way. But, I also had a feeling I could be wrong. I was not able to deal with the pain, so unfortunately, I asked for formula.

The next morning in the hospital, tears streamed down my face as I thought of the formula we were giving her. I hate crying in front of anyone, so I turned my head so my husband wouldn’t see. I just felt like an unfit mother who couldn’t feed her baby. Maybe I should have continued even though it was painful. In my heart, I knew I was making the right decision because I could have really damaged my nipples.

The following Monday, we scheduled an appointment to have her tongue tie removed. In the meantime, I was too scared to re-latch her, so we went to the store and bought her organic formula. I knew that if she wasn’t able to drink my milk, she was at least getting something organic. But, that didn’t work out because she seemed to get extra fussy when she was given that formula.

Fuck.

So, we switched back to Similac and I was also pumping, but not much. It was honestly a disaster in the beginning because my expectations were SO HIGH. I was not following my original plan and I was devastated. I was feeling so many different emotions and then, my parents left. I felt defeated and like I was FAILING her.

She’d be whaling and I’d try to comfort her with tears streaming down my face. WTF? I thought this was supposed to be easy, I said to myself.

After meeting with the lactation consultant, she made me feel better by helping re-latch her with a nipple shield. She said she wanted to start off with it and then gradually wean off of it.

But, my supply was STILL NOT up to par and my daughter was so fussy, so again, I had to continue using formula.

I was so frustrated. Every time after she’d eat, it took SO LONG to calm her down. She would squirm and go completely crazy! As a mom, I knew something was wrong. Sure, I’ve never taken care of a baby before, but I also knew it wasn’t normal. She could NOT be that fussy. She’s never been happy either, so I scheduled another appointment.

Acid reflux.

I had a feeling she had it, but I guess the doctor wanted to make sure before putting her on medicine. And, another thing we had to resort to was gas relief drops. After reading that ingredient list, I cringed again, but I also knew that I had to do what’s best for her and this shit hopefully wouldn’t stay in her system forever.

So, now we have her on Zantac for babies.

And, I thought she’d be flawless. I didn’t see ANY of this stuff coming. Here my husband and I are (never taken care of a baby) and we have a complicated child. I have to say that as frustrating as it’s been, we’ve learned so much! And, I would never trade her because I love her! I sit and stare at her in awe of how beautiful she is!

I made her! She grew inside of her and I cannot believe I birthed a 7-pound baby. Holy shit!

I’m proud of myself and how far I’ve come since we took her home from the hospital.

There’s still so much to learn, but I’m getting there day by day. If you;d like to chat about your journey as a new mom or motherhood in general, let’s chat! I’m here for you.