I Have No Family Here, But I'm Not Alone!

When my daughter was born, my parents came for a week.

I knew when they left, I would be devastated because I would no longer have the help I needed. My husband has his own business, so he makes his own hours, which is good and bad. He was working every day the first week we brought her home because he knew my parents would be around to help me with stuff around the house and my daughter.

You see, I was never a baby person, so I stepped into this role with sort of a blind eye. While pregnant, I googled and learned a ton, but not enough to prepare me fully for what was ahead.

Shit, guys, I’m not going to sugarcoat it, when my parents left, I sat in the bathroom and cried for 10 solid minutes. My hormones were (and still are) raging, so I was feeling all kinds of different emotions and I still am! But, I knew once they left, I would be a mess.

Despite being sad, I picked my sorry ass off the ground and pressed on because 1) I wanted to move here, so there was always a possibility that I would have kids and not have family around 2) I needed to learn. My whole life has been spent relying on my parents and I needed to break that cycle. I needed to do this on my own and feel confident in my abilities as a mother.

Was I scared? Hell yeah, but I’m not the only person who doesn’t have family around. I’m not the only person who doesn’t know much about babies. I’m not the only person who is learning because my daughter is learning just the same.

So, making it seem like I’m alone is ridiculous because I do have a group of moms that I reach out to for questions. It could be worse! I could have absolutely NO ONE to go to or seek help from, so I need to stop being so damn negative, which is what I’ve been telling myself. My lack of confidence is showing and I must say it’s quite ugly. No one WANTS to hear you talk about the same damn insecurities over and over again. No one WANTS to hear you pose the same question over and over again. This is something that’s been happening to me lately.

Sure, I can talk about my lack of experience and being transparent about how I’m feeling, but I also need to remember to put a positive spin on it because it could be SO MUCH WORSE.

So, if you have no family around and are feeling vulnerable, I’m here to say you’re NOT alone! You can even reach out to me if you’d like because I get it!

2 Days Before Due Date & Shit Just Got Real

Holy shit.

I am so close to my due date that I can taste it.

And, it’s finally hitting me that it will no longer be my husband and I. I have to admit that it does make me a tad sad, but I’m also really excited that the next chapter in our lives is happening (very soon).

I’m disappointed that this weekend I only felt Braxton Hicks (pretty intensely). I didn’t picture myself going into labor at work, but it’s looking like that might happen, unless I’m lucky enough to go into labor on July 4th, which I have off for.

I have to admit. my pregnancy has gone pretty smoothly and I feel really lucky that I never got dangerously sick or vomitted my brains out. I mean, I might not be so lucky the next time around,but for the first one, it hasn’t been bad. And, I’m saying that BEFORE I go into labor, so I might be changing my mind.

My birth plan is to labor in the tub, see how long I can take the pain and if I’m unable to handle it., I’m getting an epidural. I know every woman’s pain and pain intolerance is different, but that’s what I want. If I could go all natural, that would be fantastic, but I’m also being realistic.

I mean, I spent 20 minutes today watching unmedicated tub births and I have to say that it was painful to watch. Those women are freaking warriors and should be commended for not using ANY medication for birth. Like, they’re strong women and I would love to follow their lead, but let’s see how it goes.

When I was younger, I always wondered how I’d look pregnant or whether I’d be able to get pregnant or the gender of my child. And, I’m happy to report that I’m glad to be having a girl first because I get to dress her up, like my mom did with me and have mommy-daughter dates. What I’m not looking forward to are the teenage years, but that’s so far away that there’s no use thinking about it.

What will she look like?

Will she take more after her daddy or mommy personality-wise?

What will she want to be when she grows up?

All these questions have surfaced in the last 24 hours as I approach my due date. Gosh, it’s been a LONG ASS 9 MONTHS! Seriously, I’ve felt like I’ve been pregnant FOREVER. Dramatic? Duh, but it’s true!

I am NOT looking forward to the going-into-labor part because it looks painful and scary AF, but obviously, we have to get her out of my belly and bring her into this world.

I just feel like my husband and I have been talking about the same damn things these past few days.

When will she come? Do we have everything ready? How are you feeling? Are you having any contractions? I want her now.

What’s your prediction? When do you think she’ll come? What was your birth experience like? What was your birth plan?

Dear Daughter A Week & 2 Days Before Your Due Date

Dear daughter,

I just wanted to let you know your daddy and I feel like we’ve been waiting FOREVER for you to come and now, it’s a matter of a week before you’re here.

Holy shit.

Don’t repeat that language please until you’re older! I’ve always wanted a daughter and I’m so blessed and happy that our first child is in fact a GIRL! We’ve been preparing the last few months by buying you cute clothes, plenty of diapers, decorating your room, & buying you toys and games to play with.

We don’t know much about babies, but we’ve been watching videos in order to prepare ourselves. We pretty much know the dos and don’ts, so please don’t worry! It will be a huge adjustment for everyone, but your dad and I are SO ready to bring you into this world.

Am I nervous?

Hell yeah, but like I said, we’re ready.

I remember back in November when I found out I was pregnant. I was so scared, but I know I can do this. I know we will be great parents, but we just need some practice.

So sorry, but you’re going to be raised on plant-based and organic foods, unlike other kids. You’ll have to get used to that, but we’ll prepare you so you can explain WHY you eat this way. Sure, you’ll be stared at, but I swear this is BEST for you because the world is filled with processed food, which you won’t be eating. Most kids are developing diabetes and all kinds of diseases due to the fact that they’re fed TV dinners and junk food.

We love you so much already and cannot wait to meet you soon!

Love,

Your Parents