The Truth about Marriage

Last week, my husband and I got into a petty fight. Was it worth ruining my Saturday to fight about something so trivial? 

Nope.

But, it happened and it will probably happen again. That's marriage though. Day by day, you learn what triggers your significant other and if you push too many buttons, that's it! It will turn into a full-blown argument and sometimes your plans will get ruined. 

Honestly, what I've learned about marriage and relationships in general is they are give and take, they're about sacrifice and at the end of the day, if you truly love your partner, you'll take their bullshit for better or worse. 

I'm not a therapist and nor am I an expert when it comes to relationships, but I know enough to provide struggling couples with suggestions on how to make their marriage work. 

Firstly, you must compromise. Maybe there's something that he wants to do and you don't or vice-versa. You need to figure out the best decision for the two of you. Maybe if you do this then you have to do an activity that he likes in return. Here's the thing though: my husband is the type who will NEVER make me do something I don't want to do. He leaves it up to me. If I want to go with him, I can, if I don't, his feelings won't be hurt. If you're like my husband, then maybe deciding whether or not you'd like to go works for you and your partner. 

Communication is key. Are you terrible at communicating? Well, you'll learn real fast that you cannot be like that in a relationship. You will never get anywhere without talking about the issue at hand. If he hurts my feelings, I find myself always retorting with something even more insulting and regret it as soon as the words leave my mouth. Bottom line is....think before you speak.

Sharing the workload. One of you shouldn't have to do the laundry, dishes or clean all the time. Your partner should be pitching in because you both live there and it's unfair to make it one person's responsibility. 

Honestly, my husband is one of a kind. He's anti-social, yet knows when to be social. He keeps to himself and surrounds himself with just a few friends. He never makes me feel guilty for not wanting to do something. When I start my petty argument routine and try to push him to the limit, that's it. It's hard for us to go about our day and pretend like nothing happened. If I continue to push him over and over again by saying the same thing, his mood and my mood will both go sour. 

But, this is marriage. Or, at least this is my marriage.

It's not always rainbows and butterflies like social media paints it out to be. I won't disclose when I'm fighting or arguing with my husband simply because it's no one's business and I hate being negative, so I keep that information to myself. 

Marriage is hard though. Some days, It's so f***ing hard that I don't want to deal with keeping it afloat. But at the same time, I love my husband and believe him to be worth the pain and agony that goes along with marriage, and that brings me back. 

Some days, I'm selfish and bitchy and he's an asshole. Other days, I'm loving and cuddly and he comes home with flowers. Then, there are days where we both do not care. And, I'm not perfect whatsoever and nor is he. I am the dramatic one and we end up in dumb arguments that could have easily been prevented. But, we're all human and we're constantly learning. 

People say marriage shouldn't be hard if you found the right one, That's bullshit! There will be days you struggle to maintain your relationship and other days where you're smooth sailing. It's just about how badly you want your marriage to work. 

Want to chat about marriage? Send me an email: simplyrealhope@gmail.com!

Why Watching My Wedding Video Made Me Feel Emotional

I am by no means an emotional person whatsoever - unless its a few days before my time of the month.

But, sometimes when I feel really overwhelmed or I have a realty check, it might bring on the tears. Ugh. I hate crying - especially in front of anyone.

A few months ago, we wanted to try and salvage our horrible wedding video, so we contacted a local videographer, who was able to download our wedding tapes onto a hard drive. So, tonight, I watched it and I found that there were many parts that were NOT included in the film that should have been. 

When we were slow dancing to our first song as a married couple, it brought me back to that day. It brought me back to that time in my life where I was so confused, overwhelmed and filled with sadness.  I would go back to that day in a heartbeat, but not around that time in my life.

Tonight, in the wedding video, I watched as Brett looked lovingly into my eyes, held me tightly as we slow-danced, pushed the hair out of my face and helped me put my shoes back on.  These moments were not in the original footage we were given.

This made me feel emotional because sometimes I take him for granted. Sometimes I don't appreciate the little things he does for me. I don't always cherish our time together and it's often spent yelling at him for an unknown reason. But, I'm human. We forget to appreciate what's in front of us because we're so busy wondering about everything else we have to do instead of concentrating on our loved ones. 

Let's be honest, marriage is hard, So hard. But.....you just have to learn how to make it work. You have to put forth the time and effort. But, it's definitely doable if you think it's worth it. 

Going back to my wedding day also reminded me how much I love my husband and why I fell in love with him in the first place. I love him because he supports me and loves me for who I am. He's sitting right across from me looking at me with his pretty brown eyes and it's making me melt. 

I just need to go back and watch it to remind myself not to spend so much time picking him apart when he's a great guy and a great husband. And, if you do the same, try to remind yourself why you fell for him and how much you appreciate what he does for you.

Try it! I dare you....