Don't Forgot About Yourself!

I’ve been married for a little over 2 years now.

And, I’ve been with my husband a total of 5 YEARS. In 2013, we met, which was a few months after I graduated. At that time, I thought I was at the peak of my career and yearned to be a New York City girl reason being I had my 2nd internship at a magazine. I wanted to become a magazine writer and be engrossed in the magazine industry. Later on, I figured out that it was no longer something I was interested in due to the competitiveness.

I’d only see my now-husband a few times a week and weekends because of our schedules. We only lived 30 minutes away, but it felt like so much farther.

We had our alone time and I was still Hope and he was still Brett. We each had separate lives and we were two different people. I would focus on what I had to do and my goals and he did the same.

In 2014, I moved in with him and his parents. Then, in 2015, we moved to Tennessee. In 2016, we moved back to PA temporarily until 2017 when we moved in SC and have been here since.

But, sometimes I feel like I lost myself. I used to write in a journal almost every night, workout, and spend time by myself. I still workout, but don’t write as often as I used to. Part of it is because I don’t have as much time and my full-time job takes up most of my time, but still, I definitely don’t manage my time well enough.

So, if you’re engaged, in a relationship or married, PLEASE, PLEASE don’t forget about yourself. I know at times you should put your partner first sometimes, but always remember to take care of yourself too!

Here are few ideas for self-care:

1) Book a Massage.

2) Take a Bath.

3) Get your hair done.

4) Go to a yoga class.

5) Go for a walk alone.

6) Get your nails done.

7) Meditate.

8) Write.

9) Book a facial.

10) Go for a run.

Now, these are just suggestions above and they do not have to cost an arm and a leg. If you’re on a budget, I suggest getting a french manicure or even spending 30 minutes to pamper yourself. Bottom line is if YOU feel good, then everything around you will feel good and you’ll feel happier, more content and feel closer to your partner.

Um, I'm 29?

29 Years old.

30 next year?! That's all I can think about. In one year, I'll be 30.

What have I accomplished?

Should I be proud of myself in terms of what I've done thus far in my life? 

Let's recap my 20's. 

In 2010, I graduated with an AD in Journalism then moved onto obtain my Bachelors in English. From there, I interned for a Good Housekeeping Magazine in New York City traveling 3 days a week for a mere $7.50. I struggled to find myself.

At the time, I wanted to be a magazine writer, until I figured out how cut-throat the industry turned was. Around that time, I met Brett.

I knew this guy was special from the start and so, we were inseparable. 

After the internship, I found a content writing job that earned me jack-s*** then moved on to social media job, which paid me a bit more. We then moved to Tennessee where I found a Community Manager position. This was a job I saw myself working at for a few years. That was until my now-husband lost his job and we had to move back home to PA. While in Tennessee, we adopted a dog, got engaged and really feel like we got to know each other.

When we moved back, I was devastated, but I got through it.  I survived. Did I crumble? Yes. Did I fall? Yes, but my husband was there to pick me up. After we tied the knot, we had to figure out our next step, which ended up being Greenville, SC where we took a serious risk because neither one of us had a concrete job. We were hoping things would finally pan out in our favor and we were right! 

He started his own business and I began working in Public Relations. 

We then adopted a second dog, moved from one apartment to another, and now, I'm pursuing a certificate as a Holistic Health Coach. Am I scared? Yes, but I want it. I've always been interested in nutrition and looked into this exact nutrition school a few years ago. I had just graduated from college though and knew I could not financially pursue that career, so I let it go.

That was until I met a girl in the area who went to the same school and earned a certificate in the program I looked into a few years back.

Maybe the signs were always there, but I just wasn't paying attention.

And, now, on the day of my 29th birthday, I'm here to offer some advice:

1) Take risks.
2) Stop being afraid.
3) Look for the signs.
4) If you're unhappy with your career, find something else!
5) Be happy. 

So, do I feel like I've accomplished everything I wanted to? Not yet, but I know I will by 30. 

#MillennialMarriage

Being married is hard.

You don't think about how tough it really is - until you tie the knot. One day you love him and then the next day you want to kill him. At the same time, between the hate and love sessions, screaming matches and plenty of arguments, love is beautiful. The fact that you found someone you love with all your heart - despite all their flaws - is simply incredible.

If you factor in student loans, trying to figure out who you are and your career, attempting to get pregnant, learning how to be an adult and possibly buying a house, it can get quite sticky. 

A few months ago, we finally paid off our student loans, and even though that was a huge sigh of relief, I still feel like we're in for more obstacles. Him and I have constantly run into hardships - like so many people our age. It's not easy being this age and even though next year I'll be 30, I still feel like I'm figuring out who I am. It has been a long and grueling process.

On top of that, I feel like I'm dragging my husband along for the ride and that's simply unfair. One day it's "I love this" and then the next day, I change my mind. And, I get his hesitation because I'd feel the same way if the roles were reversed. But, I think I finally figured it out! I feel like I finally hit the nail on the head. 

"I'll see it when I believe it," he says. Again, that's fair to say. Whatever I do effects him and vice versa. We're a team, which is something I forget sometimes. Instead of consulting with him, I usually just do my own thing. It's not like I HAVE to ask for permission, but keeping him in mind is something I don't always remember. 

For instance, I booked a trip back home to surprise my mom for her birthday and one day I casually told him I bought a plane ticket and asked if he could drive me to the airport. In a way I guess it's selfish, but thankfully I have a husband who is easy going. Of course he wants to know where I am and what I'm doing, but it's not like other couples who may need to ask for permission. 

To me, marriage is about two people who love each other learning how to work together and not drive each other crazy! 

In November, we will celebrate our 2nd year of marriage and I still feel like I'm getting to know my husband. I still feel like there is plenty more to come and we'll never stop learning about each other.

In general, I feel like you never stop retaining information. And, life is a journey and some days don't always the way we'd like them to go. 

Being an adult is hard some days and it's not easy getting up in the morning and going to work, but we're now grown-ups and we have responsibilities. We have bills to pay (ew) and we can't always lounge around like we'd like because life is not that simple. We need to put on our big girl panties and go out into the real world.

When it comes to millennials, you already know we're labeled as "lazy" and "entitled," but many of us actually working our butts off to get ahead in life and still get the short end of the straw..

My husband and I are prime examples. We went to college, pushed ourselves and are anything but lazy. And, yet, we're doing the best we can do and it's still not good enough for society. So... if you're a #millennialcouple and you pour your heart and soul into EVERYTHING you do, screw society! Just focus on your marriage and stop caring what everyone else thinks. Marriage is hard enough, so don't overcomplicate it by reading into the millennia labels.

15895827_1633930390243115_8438754525263569990_o.jpg

The Truth about Marriage

Last week, my husband and I got into a petty fight. Was it worth ruining my Saturday to fight about something so trivial? 

Nope.

But, it happened and it will probably happen again. That's marriage though. Day by day, you learn what triggers your significant other and if you push too many buttons, that's it! It will turn into a full-blown argument and sometimes your plans will get ruined. 

Honestly, what I've learned about marriage and relationships in general is they are give and take, they're about sacrifice and at the end of the day, if you truly love your partner, you'll take their bullshit for better or worse. 

I'm not a therapist and nor am I an expert when it comes to relationships, but I know enough to provide struggling couples with suggestions on how to make their marriage work. 

Firstly, you must compromise. Maybe there's something that he wants to do and you don't or vice-versa. You need to figure out the best decision for the two of you. Maybe if you do this then you have to do an activity that he likes in return. Here's the thing though: my husband is the type who will NEVER make me do something I don't want to do. He leaves it up to me. If I want to go with him, I can, if I don't, his feelings won't be hurt. If you're like my husband, then maybe deciding whether or not you'd like to go works for you and your partner. 

Communication is key. Are you terrible at communicating? Well, you'll learn real fast that you cannot be like that in a relationship. You will never get anywhere without talking about the issue at hand. If he hurts my feelings, I find myself always retorting with something even more insulting and regret it as soon as the words leave my mouth. Bottom line is....think before you speak.

Sharing the workload. One of you shouldn't have to do the laundry, dishes or clean all the time. Your partner should be pitching in because you both live there and it's unfair to make it one person's responsibility. 

Honestly, my husband is one of a kind. He's anti-social, yet knows when to be social. He keeps to himself and surrounds himself with just a few friends. He never makes me feel guilty for not wanting to do something. When I start my petty argument routine and try to push him to the limit, that's it. It's hard for us to go about our day and pretend like nothing happened. If I continue to push him over and over again by saying the same thing, his mood and my mood will both go sour. 

But, this is marriage. Or, at least this is my marriage.

It's not always rainbows and butterflies like social media paints it out to be. I won't disclose when I'm fighting or arguing with my husband simply because it's no one's business and I hate being negative, so I keep that information to myself. 

Marriage is hard though. Some days, It's so f***ing hard that I don't want to deal with keeping it afloat. But at the same time, I love my husband and believe him to be worth the pain and agony that goes along with marriage, and that brings me back. 

Some days, I'm selfish and bitchy and he's an asshole. Other days, I'm loving and cuddly and he comes home with flowers. Then, there are days where we both do not care. And, I'm not perfect whatsoever and nor is he. I am the dramatic one and we end up in dumb arguments that could have easily been prevented. But, we're all human and we're constantly learning. 

People say marriage shouldn't be hard if you found the right one, That's bullshit! There will be days you struggle to maintain your relationship and other days where you're smooth sailing. It's just about how badly you want your marriage to work. 

Want to chat about marriage? Send me an email: simplyrealhope@gmail.com!

I Promise, Good Guys Still Exist

“I’m just not sure that there are good guys out there anymore,” my best friend said to me. “I’m actually pretty frustrated."

I assured her that there are still good guys out there. She merely hasn’t met the right guy as of yet. But, one day, she’ll meet him.

She vouched to be single for a whole year and so, I think it was the universe telling her that she needs to abide by her rule. However, I told her not to give up on guys because there are still gentleman out there, but maybe she and other women either need to look a tad closer, lower their expectations or just wait for him to come.

And, so, the guys who are primarily put in the “friend zone” are the ones who get looked past. They’re the ones who will always be there for you, support you no matter what, be your shoulder to lean on and most of all, always listen.

I promise, guys like that still exist.

Maybe you won’t say it at first glance, but I can assure you I have a good husband. His demeanor may tell you otherwise, but if he wasn’t a good guy, I wouldn’t have married him.

He was usually the man women looked past.

He was catfished and even was the guy who girls just went to for an ear. However, to women, he was never boyfriend material.

There are plenty of guys out there like that.

I won’t debate that it’s hard to find a genuine guy. Most guys just want to sleep with you, but then, there are others who just love being in your company. They want companionship.

Most men are immature.

But, that doesn’t mean you should give up on men, but I didn't say "all."

“Don’t give up,” I told my best friend. “You’ll find that guy one day.”

For some women, it might take a little longer to settle down, but it will happen. I’m proof of that. And, I’m here to tell you to keep dating. Also, it occurs when you least expect it. So, do not plan to magically meet a guy.

Don’t over think it. Don’t yearn for a relationship. Just let it happen.

Why Watching My Wedding Video Made Me Feel Emotional

I am by no means an emotional person whatsoever - unless its a few days before my time of the month.

But, sometimes when I feel really overwhelmed or I have a realty check, it might bring on the tears. Ugh. I hate crying - especially in front of anyone.

A few months ago, we wanted to try and salvage our horrible wedding video, so we contacted a local videographer, who was able to download our wedding tapes onto a hard drive. So, tonight, I watched it and I found that there were many parts that were NOT included in the film that should have been. 

When we were slow dancing to our first song as a married couple, it brought me back to that day. It brought me back to that time in my life where I was so confused, overwhelmed and filled with sadness.  I would go back to that day in a heartbeat, but not around that time in my life.

Tonight, in the wedding video, I watched as Brett looked lovingly into my eyes, held me tightly as we slow-danced, pushed the hair out of my face and helped me put my shoes back on.  These moments were not in the original footage we were given.

This made me feel emotional because sometimes I take him for granted. Sometimes I don't appreciate the little things he does for me. I don't always cherish our time together and it's often spent yelling at him for an unknown reason. But, I'm human. We forget to appreciate what's in front of us because we're so busy wondering about everything else we have to do instead of concentrating on our loved ones. 

Let's be honest, marriage is hard, So hard. But.....you just have to learn how to make it work. You have to put forth the time and effort. But, it's definitely doable if you think it's worth it. 

Going back to my wedding day also reminded me how much I love my husband and why I fell in love with him in the first place. I love him because he supports me and loves me for who I am. He's sitting right across from me looking at me with his pretty brown eyes and it's making me melt. 

I just need to go back and watch it to remind myself not to spend so much time picking him apart when he's a great guy and a great husband. And, if you do the same, try to remind yourself why you fell for him and how much you appreciate what he does for you.

Try it! I dare you....

How Not To Be An A$$****

"Why do you have to eat so much food?" I asked my husband last night. He shot me a look and said, "because I'm hungry. I haven't really eaten much today."

And, he wasn't lying. From what I know, all he had was a bowl of cereal and a protein shake. That's not a lot of calorie intake and so, he must be starving. If I had that, I would be straight up HANGRY!

Sometimes I can be an a******.

When it comes to food, I'm rather obsessive. I feel rather compelled to control how he eats. He does have a binge eating disorder and so, he sometimes eats when he's not hungry and I'm not going down the road with him. Therefore, I tell him to eat when he's hungry and to stop overeating. But, honestly, it seems like I'm just downright nagging him and being a control freak.

Here's some advice:

Don't follow my lead and try to control your husband's eating habits. I believe there's an underlying issue and I'm determined to get to the root of it.

As a person, there are always aspects of ourselves we need to work on. We can grow and learn every day as human beings and show more kindness to our significant others. In order to have a happy and successful marriage, you MUST shut your mouth sometimes. Let him splurge a bit.

Does he ever say anything about my food intake? Heck no. Does he can? Not in the slightest, but I care about his and I need to stop being such an a**.

Leave your thoughts below.  Do YOU have any nagging qualities that drives your husband wild?